This is extra fun for me too, because back in 2008 I nominated Jared for the Art of Manliness “Man of the Year.”  The contest was sponsored by Old Spice.  Jared didn’t win but he was one of 10 finalists and he received an Old Spice gift pack as a prize.  Along with bodywash, deodorant, and an absurdly over-sized t-shirt, he got a box of business cards.  There are five different cards and they are freaking hilarious.  Also, they foreshadow yesterday’s You Tube fun.  The following is the text on each of these cards:

Card One

IF YOU FIND A SMUDGE ON THIS CARD, DO NOT THINK ILL OF ME. WHILE OTHER CREATURES EXIST UNDER THE CLEAN, DULL LIGHTS OF THE OFFICE, FIGHTING OVER THE CAST-OFF SHAVINGS OF TRUE MEN’S LIVES, MY HANDS ARE THE PLAN AND CHISEL, MY HEART IS AN AWARD-WINNING CHILI RECIPE AND MY MIND IS A BLUEPRINT FOR THE UNIVERSE ITSELF. PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

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Card Two

THIS MORNING, AFTER CATCHING BREAKFAST WITH MY BARE HANDS IN THE NEVER-ENDING DAWN OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE, I SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED A LITTER OF BEAR CUBS FROM A RAIN-SWOLLEN RIVER WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY RESTORING A ’72 CORVETTE STINGRAY.  I HAVE DESTINY IN ONE HAND AND A MITER SAW, THE COMPLETE WORKS OF VOLTAIRE AND A DELICIOUS SANDWICH IN THE OTHER.  PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

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Card Three

WITH THE CARD YOU’RE HOLDING IN YOUR HAND I COULD CONSTRUCT A SHELTER IN A VIOLENT STORM, COMPOSE AND PLAY AN IMPROMPTU CONCERTO IN THE STYLE OF ANY 17TH-CENTURY GERMAN COMPOSER OR FEND OFF A RABID JAGUAR ATTACK.  HAD I GIVEN YOU TWO CARDS, YOU WOULD BE WITH CHILD.

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Card Four

YESTERDAY, I WAS OUT IN MY HOVERCRAFT, TEACHING THE BABY SEAL ORPHANS HOW TO HUNT, WHEN I WAS INTERRUPTED BY A CALL ON MY SATELLITE PHONE.  IT WAS THE PRIME MINISTER OF TUNISIA ASKING IF HE REALLY NEEDED A 302-CUBIC-INCH V8 FOR HIS ’76 MUSTANG, OR COULD HE GET BY WITH THE SMALLER V6?  I TOLD HIM I’D HAVE TO GET BACK TO HIM BECAUSE I WAS PUTTING A SPLINT ON A BABY SEAL’S FLIPPER.

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Card Five

IN THE FOREST OF MEN I AM THE STOUT LUMBERJACK.  I CULL THE SMALL AND FELL THE MIGHTY. MY ARMS FEEL NO FATIGUE AND MY SPIRIT NEVER FALTERS.  IN MY HAND IS SHARPENED RIGHTEOUSNESS; ITS HANDLE, TRUTH.  AT THE CLOSE OF THE DAY, LESSER MEN ARE STACKED BEFORE ME LIKE CORDWOOD, HIGH INTO THE NIGHT’S SKY.  HOW CAN I BE OF SERVICE?

Of course, anyone who knows Jared, knows he is a humble and gracious man, still the sense of omni-competence Old Spice Guy exudes is very much like my husband.  We use these cards as bookmarks (very much in demand around our house and every time I see them I smile.

I have had a couple of conversations lately that have reminded me of a marital practice I have found very useful.  Before I talk about this little thing I would like to also highly recommend this advice from Doug and Nancy Wilson.  We have employed it since we got married, not always perfectly, but always with gratitude for their insights.

Now let me preface this idea by saying that it only works within a mutually respectful relationship.  Also, it takes humility and patience from both parties.  However, I find that it has been very beneficial to keep these kinds of specific goals in mind.

I periodically ask my husband to take some time and write two lists down.  First I ask him for three things I do that he likes and that he’d like me to do more of.  And then I ask him for three things I do that he doesn’t like and that he’d like me to do less of.  I give him a notebook to write them in and a couple of days to think it through.  It is a great, low-stress low-pressure way to communicate about the difficulties in our relationship.  It keeps things concrete and specific and because the communication is in writing, it also keeps it less emotional.  It is nice to have a clear picture of the things your spouse likes and dislikes, and if you try it you might be surprised at how inaccurately you estimated the other’s desires.  One time he asked me to try more new recipes, which totally surprised me because I thought he was happy with all just having all the old favorites.  Another time he asked me to try to get less stressed out when plans changed unexpectedly, this resulted in a complete relaxation in my personality.  I focused on it for awhile, and eventually found that I genuinely cared much less that things “go according to plan”.  We generally only do this one-way, not because it couldn’t work for both husbands and wives, but because I accidentally went and married the perfect man…

Some things I have learned from this unexpected aspect of parenting may possibly be useful to others.

• It is necessary to maintain parental authority in playing, but it should never be based on your level of irritation.  Sometimes goofing around turns painful for the big people and they should always be gracious to the little ones, even while wincing.
• It is not fun to “play” in a way that really scares or upsets the children.  Parents absolutely have to stay attuned to their children’s emotional cues when chasing, etc.  What is fun and playful one moment may suddenly become terrifying as their little minds lose the distinction between pretend and reality.  Always be quick to stop and comfort at the first hint of real fear or doubt.
• Respect your child’s bodily integrity.  If they say “stop” or “don’t” or “no” then STOP.  They have the basic right not to have their boundaries violated and you should be able to respect that no matter how good you think your intentions are.  This goes beyond play of course, and I strongly recommend NEVER kissing, hugging, or otherwise touching a child who says “no”.  If you ask them for a kiss and they say no then don’t.  You would feel enormously violated if someone five times your size pressed affection on you despite your protestations.  You would especially feel violated if it was someone you were supposed to be able to trust.  As an adult you should be mature enough not to take their capriciousness personally.  They need the chance to learn their own boundaries in a safe relationship.
• Be sensitive to the stress that heightened energy and emotions put on their capacity to reason and obey.  Don’t make excessive demands of a hyper little one.  Try to make it easy for them to obey.  They still need to, just limit the commands to as few as humanly possible.
• Let little ones win a lot.  Make them work harder and harder for it as they get older, and eventually let them lose sometimes.  When they actually “win” on their own strength or intelligence respect them for it and acknowledge it freely.

Anything to add?

So we celebrating Luc and Alex’s half-birthdays yesterday.  There was cake (three kinds!), there were presents, and we had much laughter.

The boys received squirt guns.

They boys have lots of mischievous friends who started a minor war.

The boys’ friends are (mostly) over 30.

Other than Cole (their contemporary) and Alex and Luc, all the combatants were adults.

Much fun was made.

Unfortunately we have no pictures of the squirt-gun fight, no war correspondents survived.  We do however, have some pinata pictures and present – opening pictures.  Enjoy!

Luc trying for the candy.

Alex Ditto

Little Friend Cole - AKA "The Muscles"

Luc's delight is palpable

My sons are the only kids I know as delighted with a gift of toothbrushes and vitamins as with toys!

The gift that brought war to a respectable group of friends.

I love his silly happy face.

I think it is safe to say that the boys are happy with their new little red tricycles.

Find the Vanilla Scones at my other (rarely updated) blog here.

Wild Mushroom Risotto

1. Bring the stock to a simmer and then turn to low and keep hot.
2. Heat the olive oil in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan on medium heat.  Add the onion and sauté, stirring frequently for about two minutes. Then add the mushrooms and cook for about another 8 minutes.  Add the garlic and cook for 2 more minutes.
3. Add the rice and stir well, about 30 seconds.  Add the wine and simmer, stirring constantly, until the liquid is absorbed, 2-3 minutes.  Add 3/4 cup of the hot stock, and cook, stirring frequently, until the stock is absorbed.  Continue adding stock 3/4 cup, or so, at a time, stirring constantly and allowing each addition to be fully absorbed before adding more.  Add the diced carrots about half-way through the cooking process.  The rice should end up tender, and the risotto creamy.  Cooking time is about 20-25 minutes total.
4. Stir in the cheese, the thyme, and a little butter to loosen the risotto if it seems too dry.

This recipe serves two people if it is the main, or only dish.  It will serve four as a side dish.  To serve more simply double or triple the recipe.  I usually make a triple recipe so we can have a little leftover.  The secret to really creamy risotto is the constant stirring.
Variations: To make a heartier main course add 1/3 pound cooked ground sausage just before adding the cheese, or the same amount of shredded cooked chicken.  For a fully vegetarian version use only vegetable stock and skip the cheese (with plenty of stirring it will still be nice and creamy).  If your family is anti-mushroom, just skip those and add a bit more garlic and thyme for extra flavor.  Of course, gluten-free cooks will know to avoid the pasta-water variation for vegetable broths.

Basic Chicken Stock

• Leftover chicken bones and skin from a chicken carcass
• Odds and ends of veggies (carrot peelings and ends, onion scraps, garlic, parsley, celery, whatever is sitting in the fridge).
• Salt and pepper to taste (go easy on the salt as most of the flavor comes from the veggies and chicken).

1. Put the leftover bones and skin from a chicken carcass into a large stock pot and cover with cold water. Add veggies like celery, onion, carrots, parsley.
2. Add salt and pepper.
3. Bring to a boil and immediately reduce heat to bring the stock to barely a simmer.
4. Simmer uncovered at least 4 hours, occasionally skimming off the foam that comes to the surface.
5. Remove the bones and strain the stock.
6. If making stock for future use in soup you may want to reduce the stock by simmering a few hours longer to make it more concentrated and easier to store.

Basic Vegetable Stock

• 1 large onion
• Several stalks celery, including some leaves
• A few large carrots
• 1 bunch green onions
• 8 cloves garlic
• 8 sprigs fresh parsley
• 6 sprigs fresh thyme
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 4 quarts water (you can also use leftover water from boiling pasta or potatoes)

Directions
1. Chop vegetables into chunks.
2. Throw them in a large stock pot with the water, salt, and herbs.
3. Bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer, uncovered, for one hour. Strain. Discard vegetables.
Other ingredients to consider: mushrooms, eggplant, asparagus (butt ends), corn cobs, fennel (stalks and trimmings), bell peppers, pea pods, chard (stems and leaves), celery root parings, marjoram (stems and leaves), basil, potato parings . . . Get the idea?
Basically the list of ingredients above should just be a starting point.  I use whatever veggies I have on hand.  When peeling carrots I always save the peels and ends in a bag in the freezer.  Likewise I save pretty much all of my veggie scraps like ends of onions, asparagus ends, trimmings, odd bits of herbs, whatever isn’t going to be eaten.  You don’t even really have to worry about proportions, peeling, or cleaning; the tiny bits of dirt on your onions just settles to the bottom where it can be left.  I don’t even peel my garlic, just chop it roughly in half so the flavor is released.  The only really important ingredient (besides the water and salt) is the garlic, which gives the stock it’s slightly sweet flavor.

Pots de Creme (Serves 4 to 6)

• One 11.5 or 12 ounce bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 3/4 cup whole milk
• 1/4 cup butter

1. Put the chocolate chips in your blender.

2. Heat the milk and butter over medium-high heat until the butter is melted – be careful not to let the milk boil or burn.

3. Pour the hot milk and butter over the chocolate chips, cover, and blend for about a minute.

4. Pour chocolate mixture into dessert cups and chill for at least an hour or two.

5. Serve with fresh whipped cream (one pint heavy whipping cream with about 3/4 cup powdered sugar in the mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form: ie the whipped cream should have plenty of texture and not be gloppy).

Variations:  You can add a few tablespoons of flavored liqueurs to the whipping cream for extra flavor.  Raspberry puree is another delicious topping with or without the whipped cream; just thaw a bag of frozen raspberries and throw them in the blender (after you clean out the chocolate) the tangier they are, the better they contrast with the sweet chocolate.

It all started with school.  The spring semester did its level best to kill me, and in my struggle to survive I barely blogged for four months.  Then summer arrived with its glossy promise of free-time and unlimited creativity and I thought I would be blogging three, or even four, times a week.  Ah such dreams…

Between a long week’s vacation, my attempts to write my Thesis, boredom, laziness, and other things to do, I’ve neglected my last few faithful readers.  Are you tired yet of my intermittent recipe posting?  My attempts to pass off complaints and excuses as legitimate blog posts?  My slacker-tude?  Fear not.  I am not the only blogger out there.  If you get tired of waiting on me, go find someone else to read!  Someone smarter, funnier, wiser, kinder.

Cookies

2 & 1/4 cups flour

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup shortening

1/2 cup molasses

1 egg

1 & 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon ginger

1 teaspoon ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

Mix all ingredients together in large mixing bowl (a stand mixer makes this super easy) making sure they are well-blended.  Cover with wax paper and refrigerate for one hour.  Take out of fridge and roll out on well-floured surface to 1/8-1/4 inch thickness.  Cut into desired shapes.  Place 1/2 inch apart on cookie sheets and bake at 350 for about 8 minutes.  Cool on racks.  After cookies are cool ice with Lemon Frosting.

Lemon Frosting

Squeeze the juice of one lemon through a cheese cloth into the bowl of your mixer.  Meanwhile melt two tablespoons of butter.  Add about a cup of powdered sugar to the lemon juice followed by the butter.  Turn the mixer on to medium speed and continue adding powdered sugar until the frosting is stiff.  I like to keep the mixer going most of the time to make the frosting nice and fluffy.  I have no idea how much powdered sugar this really takes (and it will vary slightly depending on the amount of lemon juice) but it usually makes just enough icing for a single batch of the cookies.

Enjoy Christmas in June!

A few photos:

The boys and I at Weeping Rock in Zion.

Jared and the boys at the entrance to the tunnel in Zion.

Alex at the Sand Dunes.

And Luc Ditto.

The Boys on the John Wesley Powell Memorial at the Grand Canyon, wearing the monkey backpacks with leashes that saved our sanity.  With thousands of feet of vertical around you just don’t mess around!

A close-up of the monkey on Luc’s back.

Enter: my friend K.  K’s husband used to print and sell some manuals and he would do the binding himself.  He has a “comb” binder and Kristi has graciously offered to let me use it and help me get started with it.  So she came over this morning (properly bribed with coffee and fresh zucchini bread) and we turned a massive stack of unorganized papers into this:

Now all I have to do is get out the Sharpie and write titles and articles on the fronts.  Neatness and orderliness make me happy.

Everyone here knows what a freak I am about books.  I love them.  I buy them.  I read them.  I keep them.  This could present a storage problem, except for Jared’s bookcase building.  I have posted about my library before, and I am still grateful for it and using it.  But we had space for one more shelf, and I had books sitting in bags on the floor.  Last night Jared brought home a new bookshelf that fit right in the open space, and as of one hour later, it was almost completely full of books.  I apologize for the quality of the picture.

But as you can see, the books now have a home and this makes me happy.