Old Spice
If you are even remotely in tune with the internet you have likely seen the wave of Old Spice commercials made yesterday. Â Of course everything started with a few commercials on TV, but then yesterday Old Spice did a series of 87 responses to questions asked of the Old Spice guy: Isaiah Mustafah. Â The questioners ranged from celebrities to random You Tube commenters and the responses are random, fun, and very, very manly. Â Old Spice is revitalizing its brand with this genius use of social media and making its name (and Isaiah Mustafah’s name) synonymous with everything manly. Â ”Old Spice Guy” is the new Chuck Norris and clearly more interesting than the most interesting man alive.
This is extra fun for me too, because back in 2008 I nominated Jared for the Art of Manliness “Man of the Year.” Â The contest was sponsored by Old Spice. Â Jared didn’t win but he was one of 10 finalists and he received an Old Spice gift pack as a prize. Â Along with bodywash, deodorant, and an absurdly over-sized t-shirt, he got a box of business cards. Â There are five different cards and they are freaking hilarious. Â Also, they foreshadow yesterday’s You Tube fun. Â The following is the text on each of these cards:
Card One
IF YOU FIND A SMUDGE ON THIS CARD, DO NOT THINK ILL OF ME. WHILE OTHER CREATURES EXIST UNDER THE CLEAN, DULL LIGHTS OF THE OFFICE, FIGHTING OVER THE CAST-OFF SHAVINGS OF TRUE MEN’S LIVES, MY HANDS ARE THE PLAN AND CHISEL, MY HEART IS AN AWARD-WINNING CHILI RECIPE AND MY MIND IS A BLUEPRINT FOR THE UNIVERSE ITSELF. PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
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Card Two
THIS MORNING, AFTER CATCHING BREAKFAST WITH MY BARE HANDS IN THE NEVER-ENDING DAWN OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE, I SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED A LITTER OF BEAR CUBS FROM A RAIN-SWOLLEN RIVER WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY RESTORING A ’72 CORVETTE STINGRAY. Â I HAVE DESTINY IN ONE HAND AND A MITER SAW, THE COMPLETE WORKS OF VOLTAIRE AND A DELICIOUS SANDWICH IN THE OTHER. Â PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
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Card Three
WITH THE CARD YOU’RE HOLDING IN YOUR HAND I COULD CONSTRUCT A SHELTER IN A VIOLENT STORM, COMPOSE AND PLAY AN IMPROMPTU CONCERTO IN THE STYLE OF ANY 17TH-CENTURY GERMAN COMPOSER OR FEND OFF A RABID JAGUAR ATTACK. Â HAD I GIVEN YOU TWO CARDS, YOU WOULD BE WITH CHILD.
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Card Four
YESTERDAY, I WAS OUT IN MY HOVERCRAFT, TEACHING THE BABY SEAL ORPHANS HOW TO HUNT, WHEN I WAS INTERRUPTED BY A CALL ON MY SATELLITE PHONE. Â IT WAS THE PRIME MINISTER OF TUNISIA ASKING IF HE REALLY NEEDED A 302-CUBIC-INCH V8 FOR HIS ’76 MUSTANG, OR COULD HE GET BY WITH THE SMALLER V6? Â I TOLD HIM I’D HAVE TO GET BACK TO HIM BECAUSE I WAS PUTTING A SPLINT ON A BABY SEAL’S FLIPPER.
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Card Five
IN THE FOREST OF MEN I AM THE STOUT LUMBERJACK. Â I CULL THE SMALL AND FELL THE MIGHTY. MY ARMS FEEL NO FATIGUE AND MY SPIRIT NEVER FALTERS. Â IN MY HAND IS SHARPENED RIGHTEOUSNESS; ITS HANDLE, TRUTH. Â AT THE CLOSE OF THE DAY, LESSER MEN ARE STACKED BEFORE ME LIKE CORDWOOD, HIGH INTO THE NIGHT’S SKY. Â HOW CAN I BE OF SERVICE?
Of course, anyone who knows Jared, knows he is a humble and gracious man, still the sense of omni-competence Old Spice Guy exudes is very much like my husband. Â We use these cards as bookmarks (very much in demand around our house and every time I see them I smile.