Before Parenting…
…you have to learn to get along.
I have had a couple of conversations lately that have reminded me of a marital practice I have found very useful. Â Before I talk about this little thing I would like to also highly recommend this advice from Doug and Nancy Wilson. Â We have employed it since we got married, not always perfectly, but always with gratitude for their insights.
Now let me preface this idea by saying that it only works within a mutually respectful relationship. Â Also, it takes humility and patience from both parties. Â However, I find that it has been very beneficial to keep these kinds of specific goals in mind.
I periodically ask my husband to take some time and write two lists down. Â First I ask him for three things I do that he likes and that he’d like me to do more of. Â And then I ask him for three things I do that he doesn’t like and that he’d like me to do less of. Â I give him a notebook to write them in and a couple of days to think it through. Â It is a great, low-stress low-pressure way to communicate about the difficulties in our relationship. Â It keeps things concrete and specific and because the communication is in writing, it also keeps it less emotional. Â It is nice to have a clear picture of the things your spouse likes and dislikes, and if you try it you might be surprised at how inaccurately you estimated the other’s desires. Â One time he asked me to try more new recipes, which totally surprised me because I thought he was happy with all just having all the old favorites. Â Another time he asked me to try to get less stressed out when plans changed unexpectedly, this resulted in a complete relaxation in my personality. Â I focused on it for awhile, and eventually found that I genuinely cared much less that things “go according to plan”. Â We generally only do this one-way, not because it couldn’t work for both husbands and wives, but because I accidentally went and married the perfect man…