200 Books

I am a playful mom.  I tickle.  I chase.  I roar.  I act goofy.  This is not really how I imagined myself being as I tend to be fairly thoughtful and serious in most of my life.  I don’t enjoy playing board games (except maybe Scrabble…) and I’m not generally goofy with my friends.  But with my two little ones around, I am often a silly little girl.

Some things I have learned from this unexpected aspect of parenting may possibly be useful to others.

• It is necessary to maintain parental authority in playing, but it should never be based on your level of irritation.  Sometimes goofing around turns painful for the big people and they should always be gracious to the little ones, even while wincing.
• It is not fun to “play” in a way that really scares or upsets the children.  Parents absolutely have to stay attuned to their children’s emotional cues when chasing, etc.  What is fun and playful one moment may suddenly become terrifying as their little minds lose the distinction between pretend and reality.  Always be quick to stop and comfort at the first hint of real fear or doubt.
• Respect your child’s bodily integrity.  If they say “stop” or “don’t” or “no” then STOP.  They have the basic right not to have their boundaries violated and you should be able to respect that no matter how good you think your intentions are.  This goes beyond play of course, and I strongly recommend NEVER kissing, hugging, or otherwise touching a child who says “no”.  If you ask them for a kiss and they say no then don’t.  You would feel enormously violated if someone five times your size pressed affection on you despite your protestations.  You would especially feel violated if it was someone you were supposed to be able to trust.  As an adult you should be mature enough not to take their capriciousness personally.  They need the chance to learn their own boundaries in a safe relationship.
• Be sensitive to the stress that heightened energy and emotions put on their capacity to reason and obey.  Don’t make excessive demands of a hyper little one.  Try to make it easy for them to obey.  They still need to, just limit the commands to as few as humanly possible.
• Let little ones win a lot.  Make them work harder and harder for it as they get older, and eventually let them lose sometimes.  When they actually “win” on their own strength or intelligence respect them for it and acknowledge it freely.

Anything to add?

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