I didn’t read a single word yesterday. Soooo busy! We have about half the store packed up, half the shelves taken down and a whole patio finished. Woot.

I’m at Veritas now, waiting for a bookstore owner to come and look at some of my books. I feel like a part of my soul is dying. I don’t want to see my books in his shop. It’s sad.

I’m going through latte withdrawals. I miss Brandi and when I get here in the morning I don’t usually feel like getting everything out to make one for myself. Maybe I’m just lazy.

The kiddos have been so much work these last few days. Luc is teething, everything is upside down in their little world but I don’t know if that’s enough explanation for why they’ve both been so demanding. Alex has started projecting this high-pitched whine when he wants something or when he’s upset. It is right up there with rap music as one of the world’s most annoying sounds. We have begun to discipline him for it but it’s hard to do so out of principle rather than sheer frustration. Which is the classic parenting dilemma I suppose.

My morning blogging continues.

I worked on Kafka’s The Trial last night after finishing the last of James M. Cain. Neither are very enjoyable. I’m planning on reading Dickens today. I’ve got Oliver Twist.

We worked on our brick patio last night after getting home from Veritas. It is looking good! It might even be finished tonight. We spent much of yesterday just waiting for and looking for boxes. If you’ve got any, please share. We boxed a lot of books and thanks to Aimee’s help and Dave and Heather’s timely delivery of Fanci Freez, we survived!

I’ve got about a bajillion things to do…

Yeesh! I’ve sounded depressed lately! Myabe because I have been…

I have read a little bit the last few days but haven’t had my book with me much and haven’t had time to focus on it. We are working pretty hard but the biggest thing is emotional exhaustion.

A few highlights:

I seem to have lost my wedding ring. I’m devastated. I haven’t had time to tear the house apart yet. I got into the habit of taking it off at night when I was pregnant and my fingers would swell. I always put it one of two places…neither of which now contains it.

If I cry Alex comes and comforts me. It’s so sweet and touching but I don’t want him to have to deal with my sadness. It’s my job to be there for him, not the other way ’round.

We are building a patio. Yes, we are doing a home improvement project while we close our business. Remember this? I guess it’s chronic. It is nice to be putting something together.

Neighbors are all using up their own bandwidth…selfish I say!

We kipe our internet from the neighbors (shh) and sometimes you just can’t get a connection. Last night was one such night.

We had a “wake” for Veritas last night and didn’t get home until late and then talking and crying kept us up even later. I’m tired and burned out right now…and I don’t suggest James Cain novels for a nice cheery pick-me-up.

James M. Cain novels I can’t remember all three titles…I’m too lazy/tired to check Page: 250ish

Today was a sad and tiring day. Of course getting up on a Saturday morning with my husband (instead of already being at work at 6:30), eating breakfast together and driving to Veritas together was pleasant and unusual. I love my husband A LOT. I love being with him, I love talking to him, I love talking about him. And as hard as this decision was, the financial worries (big and scary no matter what we did), the sadness of seeing a dream die, the regrets, is pretty much balanced by realizing that I get to spend more than an hour a day with him.

But back to sad and tiring…It is so hard to take something apart that you carefully and meticulously put together. It is so hard to see all that potential be forever put down. Hard to know that I won’t see Veritas grow into the thriving, bustling center of culture and commerce that I’d dreamed. I’m so sad to see it end. But I am glad that we tried. I never wanted to be that person that always talks about doing some big thing and then never goes for it. So here I am, not being her.

Here is a photo of me the week before we opened. I didn’t know I was pregnant (with Luc) yet and I had the flu.

And here is one from today…same chair, same weariness.

On a lighter note, here are two tired little boys refusing to sleep. We recently moved Alex’s crib back into his room and now he and Luc are opposite each other. Perfect for giggling at one another instead of falling asleep.

We’ve decided to close Veritas. Effective immediately. Those who are close to us will easily guess some of the reasons and those of you far away will likely understand too. We are sad that Boise will now be poorer by one coffeehouse and one bookstore and we are sad that all the wonderful people who came in regularly will no longer be a part of our lives. Thank you all.

We would like to specifically thank:

Our friends and family for their unfailing support and encouragement. Thank you Doug for everything. Pam for helping us with the boys. Quinn for working so hard. Ditto Brandi and John. Kayla for your unfailing encouragement. Julie for you know what…and that other thing too. David and Marybeth. Brent and Aimee for buying so many books!

Our lovely customers for their constant patronage. Mike and Telara, we will miss you. Jay, thank you. LuLu and your wonderful parents! Ann. Mel. Steve (from BSU). And the other Steve (Iced Americano in a paper cup). Jack. Jennifer. Grad student from Boston. 16oz coffee with two shots guy. Vernon. Timmee. Melburg. The amazing musicians that played here. Karen. Sue. Hailey. Patrick. Bob. Liz. Grumpy, morning Mike. Kip. Deanna. Katy. Brandi’s Mom. Thanks for coming in everyday Aaron. And all the rest of you who’s names we don’t know but who’s smiles we remember. We only wish there were more of you!

Our vendors for the wonderful products they supplied. Aimonetto, your service is amazing. Barefoot, it was wonderful coffee. Eagle Coffee Roasting, thanks for all your efforts. Zeppole and Le Cafe, we love your food! Mike Sowers, thanks for the pottery. Sparkweb for keeping our IT working.

And a huge “Thank You” to Brandi for her faithful service, cheerful attitude and AMAZING barista skills. I will miss my lattes!

If you have any unfinished business with us, the phone is still connected and we will be answering it. 208-345-8670

Jared and Mandi.

The Complete Short Stories by Evelyn Waugh Page: 592

The Trial by Franz Kafka Page: 128

We had another ridiculously busy day. Meetings, business, busy little boys and I still managed to read 220 pages today. Yay.

So far I’ve found Waugh’s writing to be quite enjoyable. Everyman’s list includes essentially everything he wrote but he had held up well. Until the end of the short stories collection. They included much of his juvenalia and some incomplete novels and while they may be interesting to a grad student doing a thesis on the development of the writer, they were not what I needed today. They were not terribly interesting as stories and rather dull to read. Also dull is Kafka. Is it silly to say that he is “Kafkaesque”? I have a feeling I’m not going to be a fan.

We had book club tonight and other than an unresolved disagreement all went well. I also had a blog-reader come in tonight and it was pleasant but disconcerting to chat with her. It is a little weird to realize that there are flesh-and-blood people out there that are following along with my life. Flattering to the ego but disconcerting. It is odd to talk to someone that knows so much more about you than you know about them. Blogging is a small fame but I think it must give a tiny flavor of what stardom is like especially for me as most of my blog readers are from my town and I have a statistically higher possibility of running into them. Anyway, busy day, good book club, nice conversation. And how was your day?

The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne Page: 304 Finished

The Complete Short Stories by Evelyn Waugh Page: 500

My love of books has been enjoying a renaissance. I’ve been moving lots of books around and the fun of handling them and seeing them re-arranged seems fresh. I love seeing lovely books all lined up and neat. I want all the walls of my home wallpapered with them. Jared, it’s time to build some bookshelves!

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne Page: 235

Hawthorne’s novel is our book club selection for the week and I was actually hoping to get the whole thing read today…foolish dreams. I had forgotten that Marybeth was coming over for dinner tonight (until her timely message reminded me) and was planning on closing Veritas and spending my time reading. We had a lovely meal though, of strawberry and walnut salad with goat cheese, and since Jared was late getting home I managed to get a full count in anyway. I’ve read The Scarlett Letter several times and always enjoyed Hawthorne’s prose but this time I’m not so sure.

I keep meaning to post fresh pictures of the boys, who are cuter every day, but obviously haven’t done it yet. Yell at me…then maybe I’ll remember.

The Complete Short Stories by Evelyn Waugh Page: 320

I still enjoy Waugh’s writing and am happy to be working my way through another book of his. My experiences reading short stories this year has convinced me that reading straight through a collection of them is not effective. They tend to blend together and individual stories are hard to remember. Incidents stand out, and the author’s particular “flavor” comes through more strongly than in a novel but the narrative arc of each story is very difficult to recall clearly.

Today was a nutty day. My loyal, faithful and tireless employee, who works every Monday - Friday 6:30am-1pm, actually got sick. Imagine! She has never done that before! So I had my little sis Rachel helping me and between us we managed to run the coffeehouse and the bookstore and juggle a very tired and fussy Luc and a typically rambunctious Alex. She’s only 13 and not entirely accustomed to handling a screaming baby so she got a bit tired and stressed out at one point but, all things considered, I think we managed with tolerable grace. We had good sales today which was encouraging and I think the 10-minute stretch of baby-squalls failed to drive too many people away. Phew.